1、午休,同事大姐把手表泡水杯里。我好奇问她:“姐,你把表泡杯子里是啥操作?” 大姐很淡定的说:“这表防水的,我老公买的,好几万呢!” 我突然明白过来,我嘴欠了,让她无形之中装了个逼…又看了眼表说:“姐,好像不对劲,你的表吐泡泡了。” 大姐看了水杯,脸白了,然后又黑了…
2、当年被小芳父母嫌弃,我毅然的选择了外出打工,经过自己不断的努力,我成了一家公司的主管,管着上百名员工。为了让小芳父母后悔当年的决定,我开着80万的奥迪来到了他家,一下车后面就来了辆法拉利,正疑惑时小芳父母打开了车窗:哟,这不是当年那穷小子么。
3、第一次约一妹纸出去玩,从商场出来之后做出租车,没想到开车的大哥见到我俩笑着说道:“呦呵,又换了一个?”我听后就要发火,玛德,我认识你吗?这样污蔑我?就当我转过头想和妹纸解释这家伙是个神经病时,只见妹纸羞涩的向那大哥点了点头。。。
我诅咒你电池电量低,网页加载慢,存储空间不足!
4、读高中时的时候,物理老师是个帅哥,刚毕业的大学生,同学们都很喜欢他。有一次,物理课后,老师夸奖我同桌王同学表现的好! 有的同学不服气,就问老师凭什么呀?老师说:王同学能在这么嘈杂的环境中睡得那么的香,能够匀速地两分钟流一次口水,又不打扰其他的同学,你们谁能和他一样能做到呢?
5、吃饭比较慢,吃的又多,今天又是大家吃完都走了,我一个人还在吃,一个服务员一直站在那等着我吃完关火,其实我已经饱了,但又不想浪费,最后越吃越慢,当我吃完最后一口放下筷子,旁边姑娘舒了一口气,我仿佛听到了她放下心里正在磨的那把刀 !
6、我第一次去乡下二姨家玩儿时大概七八岁,处处表现出一个城市girl的冷艳,看到灶台上一大盆玉米和土豆熬的糊糊,我就舀了一勺喝了,觉得很好喝,但是为了装逼,我故作不屑的样子,念了一句电视剧里面养尊处优大老爷的台词:“哼!简直就是给猪吃的!”在旁边的二姨缄默了几秒后说:“这就是喂猪的。。”
憋笑了!老子正难过
7、搞笑段子:早上我和老婆吵了一架,她赌气不理我。快到中午12点,我饿得不行,见老婆还不做饭,就写了张纸条“我饿了”让狗狗叼去给老婆看。等了一会儿不见动静,我悄悄去客厅一瞧。见老婆边吃火腿肠边喂狗狗,念叨着:“我知道你饿了,多吃点儿。
8、#搞笑段子#我在一家美容院等我朋友下班,发现他们美容院墙上整了个大液晶屏,除了一般的宣传海报外,还滚动播放主治医生自己拍摄的世界各国风景,顿时觉得这个老板还是很良心的,至少让患者看见“你们花的钱都去哪儿了”。
9、今天对女神表白了!她害羞地叫我放学后在校门口等她,真不敢相信幸福来得这样突然!漫长的等待过去了,在看见她身影的一刹那,我却不争气地悄悄溜走了。我恨自己的懦弱,也恨她旁边戴大金链子的那个混混手里的刀。
熊猫头感叹对方虽然很丑但却是个大沙雕表情包,,十个橘猫九个胖,还有一个特别胖
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F0b66a63cj00sfa0pa0026d000k000tap.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fb04fa70aj00sfa0po000vd000el00cwp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
TDTDTD
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fa1275f63j00sfa0p2001nd000k000lgp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
多一个鸡蛋都是负担
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fbcfb2119j00sfa0pj001ad000do00jep.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
这小子一看就有当医生的潜质
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F99a7f890j00sfa0ox001wd000k000mep.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
你是
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F0ea377abj00sfa0ou002ad000j600jjp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
西游记中为什么孙悟空可以随意使唤土地公公,猪八戒不能?
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fc4025000j00sfa0ov000vd000by008fp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
那可是花500年维系的关系
两周夏令营,一生军旅情
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fc30303e9j00sfa0pt003yd000k0018gp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
现在还不是庆祝的时候
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F8b74de95j00sfa0p9001ad000k000jfp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
员工常驻征兆:极限摸鱼
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fd7793167j00sfa0os0012d000k000gbp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
这么一看我还是个优秀员工
下次直接说找车就好了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F798cfba8j00sfa0px001bd000go00mep.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
去驾校学的摇摇车吗?
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fcf64543dj00sfa0pi002fd000k000zip.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
什么狗子,这是我大哥
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fa8af801cj00sfa0pl0008d0005k009wp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
不出意外的话应该是挺不到了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F230eaea4j00sfa0pw001nd000k000njp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
沙发上坐着的老爸
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fa7abd268j00sfa0p4001jd000k000ivp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
这秘方我可不要
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F8782ebfcj00sfa0p8001gd000ek00omp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
你俩拜把子吧
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F95fd9927j00sfa0om001bd000cs00sgp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
太可悲了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F49ef63c7j00sfa0pc000sd000f400h6p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
怎么不连我一起骂
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F6bd5cf55j00sfa0oz000td000j80087p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
还记得戴帽子
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F73174605j00sfa0pk001kd000k000ozp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
这个逗号的位置妙啊
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fc199e307j00sfa0oy000dd000j600a4p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
你想当吗?
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F5197d397j00sfa0pn000id000go009zp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
小狗发起脾气来真的是肉眼可见的气嘟嘟
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Ff4faf152j00sfa0p5000hd0005m009zp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
都是ETC
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F80cc79bbj00sfa0pz0025d000k000j9p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
是不是有点多此一举了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F8bba9c89j00sfa0pg001cd000n001dsp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
难怪初生越来越多了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2F8658002aj00sfa0pv001kd000k000qup.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
蔡伦发明了纸,你却用来做吸管?
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0618%2Fceb263daj00sfa0p6000ud000qo00d5p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)