1、在商场闲逛看上一双鞋,正想拿起看下怎样,售货员冷冷的说“不买别摸,摸脏了赔不起!”当时我这个火爆脾气就上来了,给我包起来别用手摸,摸脏了我不要!售货员忙堆起笑脸,带上手套把鞋包好了,开票。我拿着票溜出了商场。。。。。丫的没钱能把我咋的!
2、一个朋友身上纹了“小青”两字。我很好奇地问:“你女朋友叫小青?”朋友说:“不是。”我又问:“那你是喜欢白娘子里面的小青?”朋友答:“也不是。”“那是什么意思?”我继续问。只见他仰望天空,说:“当初我只是纹了个“情”字,只是后来长胖了,长胖了!
3、同行问我,现在生意都不景气,大家压力都很大,你睡眠怎么样?我回答:像婴儿般的睡眠。他说;不愧是高手。这样还能睡的着!我沉默半响道;半夜经常醒来哭一会儿再睡………….
兽人与驴
4、每日一笑:小时候的一天,爸妈没在家,我爷爷看着我,家里的母鸡带着一群小鸡在堂屋玩,我看着旁边的碳筛,一时兴起,拿着碳筛把母鸡和小鸡盖在上面,还在上面踩了几脚,然后就拿开了去玩别的了,过了一会儿看见一直小鸡死了,爷爷告诉我说那是母鸡自己把它踩死的。
5、老板:兄弟,火龙果有红心的和白心的,白心的营养价值更高,萝卜也有白心的和紫心的,白心的更受人们青睐,这样吧,看咱们这么熟了,我给你打八折,够意思了吧,付钱吧!我:老板,你不要骗我,你这西瓜明明是没熟。
6、公司一男同事和一女同事开玩笑打闹时,男的不小心把香水喷到女的眼睛里,女的瞬间泪流满面,男的豪爽地说:“没事,瞎了我养你一辈子!”刚巧这男的女朋友来接他下班,在门口听到了这句。男的没等女朋友开口,果断地拉着女同事到他女朋友身边说:“来,叫妈!”
你是不是误会了,我没跟你抢男朋友
7、我觉得我跟我爸的沟通阶段可以分为以下三个内容,6岁时:爸,我爱你。爸:你TM又看中哪个玩具了?13岁时:爸,我爱你。爸:你TM又被老师请家长了?20岁时:爸,我爱你。爸:卧槽,你TM又没钱了!顿时觉得满满都是爱啊
8、哥们儿原来用一诺基亚手机,用了快三年了,摔过无数次,后壳都拿透明胶粘上去的,依然能用。那哥们说:“只要丢不了,我就一直用,用坏为止。”然后某天那哥们儿手机竟然被偷了。第二天那哥们儿去倒垃圾,一掀垃圾桶的盖子,看见一部手机,仔细一看就是他的!
9、一个死刑犯临死前一天的晚上,狱卒给弄了一顿大餐,大鱼大肉,好酒好烟,说:吃吧,喝吧,这是你最后一顿饭了,死刑犯一边泪流满面的吃,一边问那狱卒:明天早上你们不管饭了是么
熊猫:再干掉两只,我就更稀有了
双击屏幕点个赞,开启今后的好运气吧!
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你怎么油盐不进呢?
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刘经理:我说得没错啊
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好的大暴雨阁下
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你真会安慰人,一下子想开了
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下次别这么冲动了
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我还以为是电脑主板呢
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给你200块钱,你把评论删了
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《酷》
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你需要面试太监吗?
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你到底想摸谁啊?
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一个敢问,一个敢答
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给NPC吓坏了
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难怪你没对象
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阿姨真好,听劝
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妈,能不能别大喘气啊
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从此只以正面示人
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好恐怖的翻译
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谢谢奶奶,一下子不露背了
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