1、以前有一个人在睡觉,然后一只蚊子过来咬他了。他被叮醒正准备一只手啪下去的时候,蚊子对他说:“求求你别杀我,今天是我的生日!”那个人听说后,小心翼翼把蚊子放在手心,一边拍手一边唱生日快乐歌!
2、结婚以后,老婆一直念念不忘我的工资卡,终于在她软磨硬泡下说动了我爸妈。那天我恋恋不舍的把卡交给她,她拿到卡的那一刻,脸上立刻充满了笑容,整张脸仿佛都要笑抽了,回头还不忘对我说:“亲爱的,我的面膜都笑皱了”!
3、哥哥带着弟弟出门玩,回家的路上,弟弟说走不动了。哥哥想了想,说:“我帮你加点动力吧。”弟弟听了,眼睛一亮,说:“那我要。。。”谁知还没等他说完,哥哥就拿起路边的砖头,砸了一户人家的窗户,砸完转身就跑。弟弟一看,立马跟着往家里跑,跑的比兔子还快。。。
大哥,你挺会玩呀
4、每天穿上芭蕾舞鞋,练到脚后跟都磨破皮,第二天还要继续高强度的训练。伤口一遍遍被擦破,化脓,痛得像戳针一样,在舞台上却丝毫不能表现出来。即便如此,罗婧菲从不曾后悔选择了舞蹈。
5、笑话本人电工,今天休息。(背景)一二货同事问我停宿舍的电怎么弄,我说开关上有标签的,把电切了就行。然后这货拿了把菜刀去了……,不说了,今晚我得在医院守着
6、#搞笑段子#一个人无聊逛商场,巧遇前女友挽着男友,想假装没看见擦肩而过,结果前女友和她男友把我拦住,各种言语挑衅,轻视!哎!这是何必呢?于是我无奈的对着前女友说:儿子最近老是念叨想你,希望你有时间去看看他,然后就头也不回地走了……
纯天然毛巾
7、爆笑段子:今天我自己骑着小电驴出门(自行车后面有座那种款),在等绿灯的时候接了个电话!然后我骑了一会儿,觉得不对劲,回头看了一眼,妈蛋,竟然有个逗比坐在我车上,我看着他,他竟然说,刚才听你打电话 ,我们顺路....顺路....你这么不要脸,你麻麻知道吗?
8、法官在审问一个犯人问道:“你是不是于去年3月2日用铁锤砸死了你的妻子?”犯人说:“是的。”旁听席里立即有一个人骂道:“人渣!”法官又问犯人:“你是不是于去年5月12日又用铁锤砸死了你的儿子?”犯人是:“是的。”旁听席里那个人又骂道:“人渣!”法官看了看他说:“你有什么要控诉罪犯的吗?”那个人答道:“我是他家邻居,他用铁锤杀了那么多人而去年我向他借了好几次铁锤,他居然说他家没有!”
9、液态镁,尽管再危险,总有人黑着眼眶做实验;砹钛镁!尽管再危险,愿赔上了一切超支经费的泪;铜钛镁!尽管再卑微,也想尝试管炸碎的滋味;铌钛镁!尽管再无言,我都想用烧杯隔绝世界,我的王水我要霸占铌锝镁!
有吃的?!……不给算了
父爱和母爱的差别原来可以这么大
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这两狮子有点狗啊
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这是斑点狗吗?
吃了30串后,终于牙缝塞满了
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好不容易下决心自己做月饼,这狮子们是什么意思,一个个黑着脸的。
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哈哈哈哈,这对耳朵太抢镜了
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太真实了
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发自拍也是这个效果
姜还是老的辣呀
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别人的铁人三项,对比我自己的
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这么一想作业也没那么难写
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网友奶奶说假牙不见了,找了一个多小时直到发现狗狗的牙很白
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刀架挺有创意,就是每天都被捅好几次
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老干妈和奶茶看了都沉默了
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公斤,母斤?
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没有什么是一个塑料袋装不了的,如果有,那就两个
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有时看大家吃饭真的感觉挺无助的
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我和老板的极限拉扯
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这大楼我有点看不清,这是马赛克吗?
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这雪王怎么光膀子呢!
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什么都AI只会害了你!
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就说味道怎么有点不太对劲,哈哈哈
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