1、开心时刻:那天和几个朋友一起出去吃饭,吃饭后我们都抢着买单,就因为争论该谁买单,我们吵了三个多小时,嗓子都喊哑了,服务员拿着账单在旁边就这么看着我们:几位先生,你们一共点了一盘尖椒土豆丝,一盘清炒豆芽和一个番茄蛋汤,一共38块钱,至于吗你们?当然,我们一点儿也不尴尬,回嘴说:废话,不趁便宜的时候抢买单,还趁贵的时候抢啊?
2、早上就因为我挤牙膏时从中间挤,老婆喋喋不休的说我,我心里不痛快,就回了她两句。晚上下班回来,她还是板着脸,我小心翼翼问道:“老婆,还生气啊?” 她答到:“竟然敢顶嘴啦,这口气,我咽不下!” 我连忙拿出下班路上买的,还热气腾腾的酱猪蹄:“老婆,就着这些,看能不能把那口气咽下去?” 明显看到她喉咙‘咕隆’了一声,喜笑颜开的一把抢过去:“可以啦,可以啦。” 咿呀,这吃货娘们……
3、刚刚有个人加我,说要和我聊聊。我说:我开车呢,不方便。他问我:你的车是手动的 还是自动的?我说:声控的,他说:不可能,没见过。我把车的图片发给他, 他就把我拉黑了...… 不知道为啥…………
力量与柔韧的完美结合,就是容易🤺
4、夜里下班回来的路上,一个身材魁梧醉汉唱”出卖我的爱,背着我离开”。我随口就哼了句”知道真相的我眼泪留下来”。那醉汉让我站那,我吓得一动不敢动,然后对我吼道:我告诉你,以后唱歌自己起头!
5、姐姐比较内向腼腆,刚和姐夫在一起时都不怎么说话,都是姐夫在那里说,她答几句,姐夫就抱怨说,小丽啊,咱们也好了一两个星期了,熟也该熟了吧我一个人讲的多累啊……吧啦吧啦一大堆。最后姐姐看不下去了,直接强吻了姐夫。两个都是初吻。亲完后,姐姐红着脸说,我看你讲的嘴都干了……
6、在路边一个盲人乞丐戴着墨镜在街上行乞。一个醉汉走过来,觉得他可怜,就扔了一百元给他。走了一段路,醉汉一回头,恰好看见那个盲人正对着太阳分辨那张百元大抄的真假。 醉汉过来一把夺回钱道:“你不想活了,竟敢骗老子!” 盲人乞丐一脸委屈说:“大哥,真对不起啊,我是替一个朋友在这看一下,他是个瞎子,去上厕所了,其实我是个哑巴。” “哦,是这样子啊!”于是醉汉扔下钱,又摇摇晃晃地走了……
哎呦腿短踩空了,果然熊猫真是可爱
7、我有一个宝贝儿子,有一天因为太淘气被他老爸狠揍了一顿,大哭:“等我长大了!”他爸一听说:“还反了你了,长大了你想干嘛?”儿子继续哭着说:“等我长大了,我也生个儿子,然后使劲揍他!”
8、闺密从经理办公室出来,开心的对我说:“我升职咯。”我诧异:“那么快?你才来几个月啊。”她凑近小声问我:“想知道什么秘诀吗?”我仔细看了她一眼,撇撇嘴:“我知道。”她一愣:“你知道?”我喝口水,轻轻道:“你嘴角有根卷毛…”
9、女朋友是幼师,今天下班早,在学校门口边抽烟等她下班,站在一大堆等小孩放学的家长中间,一哥们过来借火,:“哥们,等人啊?”我说:“啊对,接我女朋友。”瞬间被家长包围。
自学功夫,旋转跳跃
这是搓澡还是抛光
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fef024daej00sev8u0000xd000k000r7p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F7b07218cj00sev8u1001ld000k000shp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fa8ec9fe7j00sev8u50015d000k000okp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F17b427d3j00sev8tx001fd000k000rpp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
但我向来如此
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F2df3944cj00sev8uf0024d000k000pdp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
从此只敢以正脸示人
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fb4f826f4j00sev8uo0014d000go00iup.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
把车丢了吧
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F9c8ed6a6j00sev8tr001ad000jg009xp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
从此大鱼相伴
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F48014a79j00sev8tp0020d000k000i4p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fd0c3b475j00sev8tw003md000k000qbp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
如何高情商回复领导
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F3d995f24j00sev8ub003ed000jg010fp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
可移动式花洒?
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fac3de688j00sev8ug001ld000go00hsp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
老凡尔赛了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F05c146d2j00sev8u30015d000j800jcp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
老实尼
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F006de735j00sev8un001nd000go00wgp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
爱因斯坦说的
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F3a1e4868j00sev8tn001gd000j800pkp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
妈你下回一次说完好吗
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F9a066075j00sev8uj001hd000go00s6p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
只要会营销,价格想卖多高卖多高
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F1f317f0ej00sev8ul001yd000go00nxp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
用来削苹果的手机
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fee68727fj00sev8ui000ld000go00aop.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
❤️ 万水千山总是情,点赞关注行不行?
充八千送八千
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fd5c410e6j00sev8to001gd000jg00svp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
麻烦下次送礼品的时候说一声
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F2ce8c4b2j00sev8u6001od000k000kyp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
看这样子十米是高度不是距离
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F19ffd9ffj00sev8u4000vd000go00kwp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
我爸爸赌上了我的学业
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F4d5871bfj00sev8u9001ud000gf00w0p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
满脑子想的全是:我得好好表现
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2Fc15e0639j00sev8ty0017d000j800i8p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
每天花3块就行了
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0610%2F86a478a4j00sev8u8000xd000c000itp.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)