1、大三暑假时俩哥们闲得蛋疼,便决定一起骑自行车从北京去天津,且身上都不带一分钱。经过14个半小时的跋涉,俩人骑到了天津火车站,疲极欲死的他们早褪了出发时的得瑟嚣张,只管拉住着人就问:“二手自行车要不?不贵,换张回北京的火车票就行。”
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2、老婆出差回来和儿子去接机,小家伙第一次见飞机场,兴奋的喊:飞机场 …… 飞机场 …… 爸爸快看 好大的飞机场呀!这时走在前面的俩个美眉不自觉的肩部同时一抖,回过头来,我明显感觉到一阵阵的杀气向我们父子逼来。
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3、昨晚拉肚子,拉到只能拉水了,特难受,就问在药店上班的老婆,家里真的有没有药吗?正在打手机游戏的老婆,头也没抬,就递给了我一节1号电池!……
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4、楼下溜狗,有个小女孩跑到狗狗面前,问我:“阿姨,可以摸一下狗狗吗?”我:“叫姐姐! ”小女孩:“阿姨,可以摸一下姐姐吗?”
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5、老婆蒸的米饭糊了。儿子看着碗中的米饭说:我妈厨艺有长进,都会做红烧米饭了!老婆一脸黑线。本人较胖,买了条红裙子,穿着出门大家都说喜庆,侄子看到我后说:大姑,你怎么穿的跟个西红柿似的!
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6、一直很单身,抑郁了,所以去看了精神科医生。 医生说:“对待爱情,态度要从容,保持自己的冷静,恋爱对象不要选帅哥,身高不要超过一米七五,不要找家财万贯的人。 说到这里,医生停止了说明。 “毕竟你很丑! 看完医生,我现在只是想和男人结婚。 还活着。 也会变成哑巴。
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7、装了个防盗门,但是家里东西还是被偷了,我问防盗门厂商怎么回事,老板问:“门还在吗?”“在。”“防盗门,顾名思义,就是门不会被偷。你还有事吗?”
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8、记得大三时,有一次在食堂吃饭,吃着吃着一哥们丢下碗就往外面走,我愣了一下,立马问他:去那啊?还没吃完呢,等我会!结果这二货回头一屁股坐凳子上瞪着我说:储存空间不足,需要删除残留文件!你去吗?说完就跑了,我足足想了有半分钟的时间才反应过来。
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吃了30串后,终于牙缝塞满了
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13、好不容易下决心自己做月饼,这狮子们是什么意思,一个个黑着脸的。
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14、哈哈哈哈,这对耳朵太抢镜了
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16、太真实了
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发自拍也是这个效果
17、姜还是老的辣呀
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18、别人的铁人三项,对比我自己的
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19、这么一想作业也没那么难写
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20、网友奶奶说假牙不见了,找了一个多小时直到发现狗狗的牙很白
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21、刀架挺有创意,就是每天都被捅好几次
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22、老干妈和奶茶看了都沉默了
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23、公斤,母斤?
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24、没有什么是一个塑料袋装不了的,如果有,那就两个
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25、有时看大家吃饭真的感觉挺无助的
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我和老板的极限拉扯
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这大楼我有点看不清,这是马赛克吗?
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这雪王怎么光膀子呢!
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0518%2Fd828b174j00sdong90012d000go00m8p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
什么都AI只会害了你!
![](https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdingyue.ws.126.net%2F2024%2F0518%2F705ed84bj00sdongi006fd000go0097p.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg)
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就说味道怎么有点不太对劲,哈哈哈
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